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A box arrived today from Omaha. I was expecting it. My friend called the night before to say it was on its way. She didn't tell me what it was, just that once it arrived, we'd talk.

I couldn't imagine what she had sent.

Curious, of course, I opened it. My first thought, seeing that whatever inside was wrapped in a book store bag, was that the item was book related.

My friend is an avid reader and, of course, I am an author. We love to talk books and stuff. More wrappings revealed another bag and then...

Whoa. What's that?

I'm here to tell you that many things raced through my head. My friend sent me a bag of sh*t? What the hell? I looked closer. No. No... I touched it and it was kind of squishy. Some sort of sick sex toy?

A penis. My friend sent me a horse penis?


Two horse penises? (or is that peni?) No, wait. I know. An alien penis. Two-pronged. My friend is one sick puppy...

Three?

Oh. My. God!


So here I am, standing in my kitchen, staring down at my alien horse penis vibrator and thinking...what the hell are these things and why did she send them?

I pick up the cell and dial Omaha.